Melissa's Blog Page
Saturday, September 29, 2007

The girls and I made our first trip to the mall since Dave was gone. We made it through day but there were still quiet moments among the three of us. We went to see the movie, "Mr. Woodcock", which Dave would have enjoyed seeing it--he liked Billy Bob Thornthon. We had lunch and did some shoes and purse shopping--- can't have enough of them. Then, had to go home for our new puppy, Harrison, a beagle. I need a company while the girls are at school until I figure out what to do with myself. I just don't feel like going back to work or doing daycare anytime soon. I just don't have the motivation of making a living since I don't have a husband to grow old with. I know it's very selfish for me to think this way especially I have two girls but I can't help it. (I should eat plenty of bananas. Jocelyn had read an article about bananas, that it has a component which is good for depression!). Danica and I have started talking more about Dave lately. She had said that it's not fair, she knows a lot of kids her age who hate their dads... Melissa is still mad at her dad because she doesn't have any formal picture with him, like homecoming or prom while Danica had a few taken with him. She has started seeing a child pshycologist which I hope will help her cope her feelings. Danica said that she doesn't have time for counseling--- she goes to college full time, goes to work and started going out with this new boy. Myself, I don't like telling what I feel to somebody and I have quiet a few therapist around me; Dave's sisters, Jocelyn and my friend Angie. Sitting outside on the deck --- reading a book, drinking coffee, listening to Dave's favorite songs and talking to the puppy makes my day. Besides, I'm not done with never ending paper works and phone calls with VA, etc. Cleaning the house makes me cry so I just look at the mess but I have clean vehicles. The BBQ grill is very clean also!Well, I discovered a new trick to stop the girls from yelling at each other while I'm driving, just play the song, "Daddy's Hand". The three of us didn't make any noise. I've been driving his truck around more than I do mine. I like being in his truck!Everytime that I look at his picture, he is smiling at me. Barbie said that's good, he's happy for me. I have been reading all his letters that he sent me while he was out to sea for six months in 1996-1997. I also printed out our everyday e-mails from June to Aug. 2002 while he was on his last 6 months deployment. I think I ran out of ink why I stopped printing. I saved all his notes/letters that he had written for me while on his 24 hr. duty at work. On our 3rd month wedding anniversary, he drew 3 flowers on a page of my recipe notebook which I still have. He also started writing me letters during the 22 months that he was sick.All I could do is hold on to his promised, "Honey, I will make sure that I will be the first one to meet you when you get to Heaven". Only God knows how much I miss him. It hurts so bad but someday we will be together again!Edith